My dad was awesome in so many ways. I miss him so very much. Often times I will find myself deep in thought, memories flashing through my mind like a film reel.. I get angry that time has just kept on. I mean, that’s just the way it goes and I understand that.
It’s cruel, though. To lose someone so very important and so deeply loved, to have my world thrown upside down like that, and yet being forced to keep going. I didn’t WANT to keep going. I wanted my dad.
When I was three or four, my dad built an ice rink in the back yard for me. My sister used to take me ice skating and I loved it. So, he built me a rink. When it was done and frozen over, my mom bundled me up and off I went. I got on the ice, and froze. Literally froze in fear. Of what? I cannot remember. I just remember not being able to move, paralyzed with fear. It was ridiculous, to be honest. My dad stood there, hand extended towards me, and I would not move.
He was understandably upset.
I remember all of that. I just don’t remember why I was scared to move.
It is the first thing that comes to mind when someone asks, “If you could go back and change something, what would it be?”