“What is the hardest challenge you have overcome?”
Losing my daddy and my brother-in-law Mark… within 3 days of each other.
I have faced/dealt with the loss of a LOT of loved ones, as we do. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends. The loss of my Pop gutted me in ways I still can’t comprehend. He died on my 24th birthday.
But losing my dad, while hubby and I were at his brother’s funeral (Mark was also one of my closest and dearest friends) was more than I could handle…
I tried to be strong for my mom. On the surface, I did okay. But inside, I crumbled. I started drinking heavily. I cried ALL THE TIME. Then, the anger came. That was ugly. I am not proud of who I was during this time.
My husband was struggling with the loss of his brother, a new diagnosis of bipolar disorder, a very scary neck surgery, and the loss of a job, and a few so-called friends who completely bailed on us when his mental state sailed off to never-never land. He was dealing with his wife falling apart, as well. The wife who was always his champion and supporter and cheerleader.
But then, God stepped in. He answered our prayers at our most vulnerable time, at our weakest and most precarious moment. After a few years of conceiving, and losing (4 miscarriages), we decided to see a fertility specialist. Because we went from that, to not being able to get pregnant at all.
The appointments were made before the loss of my dad and brother-in- law… and so we forged ahead. A plan was in place to assess the situation. But.. before the 3rd appointment, I got a positive on a pregnancy test. We went in, I was checked out… it was very early on (6weeks)… they put me on meds that made me an awful, awful human (hormones are a bitch).. It was 5 months since losing our loved ones. And now I was with child. My dad, and Mark, wanted nothing more than for T and I to be parents, so it was bittersweet.
We lose our people, and somehow life goes on. We just have to keep going. For me, during this time, I simply couldn’t cope. I drank too much. I didn’t take care of myself at all. I barely ate. I barely slept.
And (TMI… sorry) after T’s neck surgery.. sex was off limits. It was too… awkward. Lol. We were both so depressed.
But then… we relented. We missed each other on every single level in which you can miss a person that you love so deeply and completely. We reconnected on every level that day. Our relationship took a positive turn.. and resulted in our sweet Maya.
God’s timing was perfect. I’d not have survived if I hadn’t ended up pregnant. The MOMENT I even had the slightest suspicion of pregnancy, I stopped drinking.
My sweet girl (and God above) saved me.
Whew. I didn’t intend for all of that, but here we are. If you made it this far, bless you. Lol. And thank you for reading.
Until next time … xoxo