“What is the hardest challenge you have overcome?”

Losing my daddy and my brother-in-law Mark… within 3 days of each other.

I have faced/dealt with the loss of a LOT of loved ones, as we do. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, friends. The loss of my Pop gutted me in ways I still can’t comprehend. He died on my 24th birthday.

But losing my dad, while hubby and I were at his brother’s funeral (Mark was also one of my closest and dearest friends) was more than I could handle…

I tried to be strong for my mom. On the surface, I did okay. But inside, I crumbled. I started drinking heavily. I cried ALL THE TIME. Then, the anger came. That was ugly. I am not proud of who I was during this time.

My husband was struggling with the loss of his brother, a new diagnosis of bipolar disorder, a very scary neck surgery, and the loss of a job, and a few so-called friends who completely bailed on us when his mental state sailed off to never-never land. He was dealing with his wife falling apart, as well. The wife who was always his champion and supporter and cheerleader.

But then, God stepped in. He answered our prayers at our most vulnerable time, at our weakest and most precarious moment. After a few years of conceiving, and losing (4 miscarriages), we decided to see a fertility specialist. Because we went from that, to not being able to get pregnant at all.

The appointments were made before the loss of my dad and brother-in- law… and so we forged ahead. A plan was in place to assess the situation. But.. before the 3rd appointment, I got a positive on a pregnancy test. We went in, I was checked out… it was very early on (6weeks)… they put me on meds that made me an awful, awful human (hormones are a bitch).. It was 5 months since losing our loved ones. And now I was with child. My dad, and Mark, wanted nothing more than for T and I to be parents, so it was bittersweet.

We lose our people, and somehow life goes on. We just have to keep going. For me, during this time, I simply couldn’t cope. I drank too much. I didn’t take care of myself at all. I barely ate. I barely slept.

And (TMI… sorry) after T’s neck surgery.. sex was off limits. It was too… awkward. Lol. We were both so depressed.

But then… we relented. We missed each other on every single level in which you can miss a person that you love so deeply and completely. We reconnected on every level that day. Our relationship took a positive turn.. and resulted in our sweet Maya.

God’s timing was perfect. I’d not have survived if I hadn’t ended up pregnant. The MOMENT I even had the slightest suspicion of pregnancy, I stopped drinking.

My sweet girl (and God above) saved me.

Whew. I didn’t intend for all of that, but here we are. If you made it this far, bless you. Lol. And thank you for reading.

Until next time … xoxo

8 thoughts on “68/365

  1. Losing loved ones especially my Dad because I was in Florida and had a flight to go be with him but didn’t get there in time to hug him one last time. Also, a devastating time in 2015 with my partner of over 30 years which crushed me and took much reflection on my part of how I needed to make certain changes to my part in our relationship. Losing many pets has also caused much grief because anyone who knows me, knows that my pets are family to me.

  2. Losing loved ones especially my Dad because I was in Florida and had a flight to go be with him but didn’t get there in time to hug him one last time. Also, a devastating time in 2015 with my partner of over 30 years which crushed me and took much reflection on my part of how I needed to make certain changes to my part in our relationship. Losing many pets has also caused much grief because anyone who knows me, knows that my pets are family to me.

  3. Your courage to always be so honest and therefore vulnerable is so very admirable Jen. In doing so, you give others the permission they sometimes need to be the same. You have a heart meant to help others heal. I admire and respect you 😘😂

  4. Your courage to always be so honest and therefore vulnerable is so very admirable Jen. In doing so, you give others the permission they sometimes need to be the same. You have a heart meant to help others heal. I admire and respect you 😘😂

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67/365

March 10, 2021

69/365

March 11, 2021