I am so horrible about being here. I WANT to be here. I have a lot of crap I would love to get off my chest. But, just like FB and elsewhere, no one wants to read my whining posts. SO, I try to suck it up.
I lost my job back in September. I knew it was coming, as my boss distanced herself from me, and my coworkers got to the point that they didn’t even acknowledge me until they needed something. It sucked. I really loved my job. For the first time in my life, I did not dread going in to work. I have loved all of my jobs, until I didn’t. But, not this job. I loved it. I loved the kids. I liked my coworkers. I was happy to be a part of something that I felt was important and good.
I do not believe the reason told to me by my boss. Also, it was done in an email. And that stung worse than anything. I thought she was my friend, as well as my boss. And she didn’t respect me enough in either capacity to have a talk with me to my face. When I saw the email come in, tears just flowed down my face. I had told my family that I would be losing my job. I knew. Especially after the class we all took together in which my boss never looked at me even once. I left that day feeling like an asshole. Everyone knew. Everyone but me.
So, to keep the whining short. It hurt me. I let it. I was sad. Then, I got angry. Then, sad again. However, I find things every day that remind me that it just isn’t meant to be. That part of my story is done. And the only person holding me back from doing anything else, is ME.
So, that changes now. I am taking a class or two now. In January, I take a few more. Not college. I cannot afford that shit. But classes, none-the-less, that will allow me to open my own small business, which is something I have always wanted to do. I have always wanted to open a small coffee shop. Sadly, that is not in the cards. A new place literally just opened up within 5 minutes of my house. So, I have chosen another path. I will post more about it another time, but please, send good vibes that I don’t screw this up somehow. 😉
I have always been too scared to do this. I lack the confidence in myself. And I am working as hard as I can each day to turn that around…